I have struggled with the opinions of others for most of my life. I have made lots of decisions about my life based on what people will think of me. It has been crippling at times, but also so much a part of my life, that I didn’t even realize it had such a hold upon me. Recently the Lord has been revealing areas related to this in my life and I have been laying them down as they would arise. I would find myself so surprised at how bound I was to people’s potential judgments of me.
This past week my husband dyed my son Judah’s hair blue, without me knowing when I was not home. Judah wanted his hair blue, so Matt went to the store to buy supplies and dyed his hair blue. When I got home, I found Judah asleep and realized from the hall that his hair was blue. I was literally appalled. I was in tears because I was so upset. I was honestly very angry at Matt. We didn’t really talk about it much at that moment. Matt went to bed and I planned in my head what I would have to “tell people”. I immediately felt judged and no one had even seen it yet!! I was literally panicking inside. I was planning to place all the blame on my husband by throwing him “under the bus”. I had a mini conversation planned out in my head how it would all go. After about an hour of turmoil, I felt the Lord speak to me very clearly about the situation. I decided that I needed to forgive my husband and chill out. It’s JUST hair and WHO cares what others think. This was big for me because I don’t ever just not worry about what people think! I ALWAYS consider what others may think. It was honestly empowering at the moment. I then decided that my comment to others, if they asked what was up with his hair, would be, “Dads are way cooler than moms!” I felt a peace going to bed and it was such a change from all of the anger that I had built up just an hour prior to that moment.
The next morning I felt at peace. I apologized to Matt for being angry and I greeted Judah in his room. He had the BIGGEST smile on his face. He was so proud of his blue hair. I made sure to tell him it was a pretty shade of blue, just how he likes it! Judah is not typically a kid who would ever ask for blue hair. He’s a kid who doesn’t usually like change and isn’t very radical when it comes to such things. So the fact that he actually asked for blue hair is shocking to me. BUT this blue hair has been such a gift. I never thought I’d say that!
We went to Costco that first day, and I was prepared for the stares. I was surprised that several people commented on how much they loved his hair. One of the ladies passing out samples sang to him that he was “bad to the bone” or something along those lines. He was so excited that they loved his hair! I literally saw so much joy all over his face. With every compliment he received, he beamed with confidence that I’ve never seen him have before. Judah isn’t a super social kid and this blue hair has honestly brought him out of his comfort zone. He’s had conversations with strangers and he has rarely done that before.
This has been huge for Judah, but I’d go as far as saying that it has been even more huge for me. I am honestly THRILLED that Matt dyed Judah’s hair. It has provided me an opportunity to walk out this commitment to not worry about what others think of me. Will there be situations when I will be tempted to revert back to worrying about what others think of me? Absolutely, but I pray that I continue to stand firm on God’s opinions of me because those are the most important opinions. I don’t ever want to be bound by what others think of me again. It was impossible for me to live the free life that God intended for me to live.
If you made it all the way to the end of this, thanks for reading. I pray that you see yourself as God sees you and not how you anticipate that others will see you. So, if you see Judah’s blue hair, please tell him how cool it is so you can see the sweetest smile on his face.